I'm starting a blog.

I really enjoy reading blogs.  I have always wanted to start my own.  But, truth is, I think I'm too vain and worried about what others think of my writing.  I've always felt that if I were to keep an on-line journal of my personal thoughts on life, what I'm learning, my opinions etc., I know for a fact that I'd scare away my own family if they knew what was really going on in my head.  I can't write one of those DIY-crafty-blogs, because (though I wish I were) I'm not crafty, and lets face it, I would much rather buy something new than make it on my own.  I have thought about one of those family blogs too - you know, where "mom" keeps everyone updated on the latest goings-on in the Smith Family.  But, successful family blogs are usually about families that live abroad, have amazing stories and are written by moms with real writing ability.  All of which, I have none.

Speaking of which, I'm not a very good writer.  Sure - I can whip up an "A" worthy blue-book essay for a college exam or stay up all night writing an 80-something-page paper for an 8:00 am class (yes, true story), but I'm not a writer. Good writers can construct gorgeous sentences using spectacular vocabulary and manage to sound both intricately perceptive and charmingly of-the-cuff at the same time.  All of which, I can not do.  Plus (and goodness knows), I have terrible spelling and grammar...I have a tendency to ramble...all of which spills out in messy run-on sentences that use lots of unnecessary punctuation and that sound a lot like I talk - which (I guess) is what I'm sorta going for - but, I'm certain it would just get annoying to those that were reading it.  .......!  Which of course, I don't want to do.

And yet, despite all my thoughts otherwise, here I am starting my own blog.  I don't really know what this blog will end up being.  If nothing else, it will just be a journal of my little world.  ...About a month ago, I made a mental list of the things I'd like to see happen in my life, the things I want to change, and the places I'd like to end up.  As a Christian, I know that ultimately my life is in the Lord's hands.  I'm so thankful that I personally know the real joy behind the words "amazing grace."  I have experienced the life-altering reality of what it means to receive God's mercies.  They truly are new. every. single. morning. But, words can't tell you how much I hate to admit that I am still such a mess. Seriously, I have got to get it together.  I can not talk about all that the Lord has done for me and then turn around and continue to live the life that I have been living.  No, I'm not who I used to be - or where I used to be; I have picked myself up out of the "pit."  But I'm just standing here, not changing.  I'm just waiting, expecting life to take off and for God's favor when I have no intention of moving.  Who am I kidding?  I may not be in the pit anymore, but instead I'm teetering on the edge of it - and that is not much better!  The slightest wind, and I'll topple back in.  I desperately want to be different.  I want people to know and see the work of the Holy Spirit in me, I don't want to feel I need to convince them of it.  I want ooooze a testimony rich with tangible evidence of God's grace and mercies in my life.  I want to change. Period.  

So, with that being said, I'm going to put my vanity and worry aside.  I'll let others think what they may of me and my writing.  Instead, I look forward to seeing where I'll end up.  I hope that this blog will serve as a journal to document my journey.  A journey into knowing my Lord and Savior better.  A journey into becoming a better mom.  A journey into developing discipline and wiser stewardship of the things that God has blessed me with.  A journey that is looking forward to the hope of forever with Jesus.

This is my journey full of the ups and downs that come on this side of eternity.